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i always have this impression that as a temp staff/intern (anythin but a perm staff), nobody bothers about you. you are given some f*cking shit job to do. and basically your presence/absence makes absolutely no difference and a robot can take your position.

i dont know if my impression is partially justified but i think so. they pay me $4.40/h. for this whole week, a total of 59.5h excluding lunch break to do what? reading. ok i really dont mind reading but some of the stuff are like e-mails of secretary setting meeting dates with the directors and all. and 59.5h of reading is really NO JOKE.

there are some days i can just not open my mouth at all. cos there's nobody to talk to and everyone is in their own world and i just sit at my desk and read read READ READ.

i came into this internship feeling very enthusiastic about the prospect of experiencing a range of things to do. but as of the first week of work. fucked up.

mayb i'm being too impatient or whatever. and as some person told me, i'm not seeing the BIG PICTURE. nobody will ever know how i feel except myself. nobody. and that really saddens me. find somebody to talk to only to get a response saying that i should try to see things from a different perspective and all. which means i should fully accept the SOLID 8.5h a day of reading of files i have done for the past one week.

dont try to judge me or change how i feel. when will i ever not be judged? F.

i dont know, mayb this is PMS cos i just got my thing ystd but i just need an outlet to vent my frustrations. WHY WHY do i always fall prey to desk bound jobs like these?? which makes me relish and miss those days working with chang. although it was busy, at least i had a goal to accomplish, work to occupy me to justify being paid $7/h. AT LEAST I FELT USEFUL.

also miss working with cherlyn at SVC. i rmbr my second day of work. worked with cher&celia. i will never ever forget that day of work which made time fly by so fast. because of the awesome company i had.

i know that its very naive of me to think that work environment will be like that. i know obviously it WONT. but i just hope that i can grow up faster. and prove myself wrong, that the working world is closer to what i expect it to be.

i can only hope and pray. sigh.

please God. make next week a better one for me. help me not feel that there's no purpose in what i do because i thrive on purpose.

--corrine